Tuesday, April 12, 2016

I'm a very jealous person by nature.

It's one of my biggest weaknesses and it's something that I'm working to improve in myself.

I hate to admit that sometimes when I see a friend succeeding or sharing great idea of theirs, my initial reaction is always negative and followed by feelings of minor grumpies, self-esteem, self-doubt etc etc. Jealousy is completely normal (that's what she said) but it's important to try to control it (because my jealousy is getting out of control) and not let it turn into envy.

Why is my initial reaction is always negative? I should be happy for them, happy to see them succeed, not feeling jealous of their happy moment and not beating myself up for not being as successful. I still remember as far back as middle school, when I'd get jealous of one of my friend's work getting featured and she gets all the compliments instead of mine. I've even stopped following people on Instagram and Twitter because of the 'monster' in me would show up whenever I see their updates. 

This is really embarrassing to share publicly but I just want to be honest with you guys.

Is this an issue of self-esteem? Self confidence? Non stop comparing myself to others? Whatever it is, I hate it. I shouldn't be comparing my life to their life because we're completely different people with different experiences and stories to tell the world. I've wasted so much time being jealous of other girls. Who knows, this is all part of my story. Maybe someone out there can relate. Who knows. 

I've been working on myself whenever I'm having a little jealousy and to turn the feelings around to instead be happy for the person. I have to look at those that have less than me in the hopes of feeling grateful for all the blessings God has given to me. Having negative envious feeling to someone is unhealthy and destroy all the good deeds. I want to view other people's successes as an inspiration for myself, rather than seeing them as shortcomings in myself.

All in all, I need to work on my confidence. I need to remember that.

May peace be upon you.  


  1. Jealous itu normal. Fatin pun jealous kadang-kadang. Tapi selalu jealous yang lead kepada insecurities, macam kalau kawan-kawan bf Fatin lagi cantik daripada Fatin. Hahahaha. Nampak macam childish kan? Well, itu normal kot untuk kita orang perempuan ni.

    Fatin pun pernah jugak jealous kat kawan-kawan. Dulu lah. Puncanya yang dapat dikenalpasti, sebab Fatin ni memang low self-confidence, low self-esteem. Tapi makin lama, makin kurang dah jealous tu. Kita kena fikir ni je. "Setiap orang ada kelebihan dan kekurangannya yang tersendiri"

    You're unique ! :) Honest compliment from me. Entah kenapa Fatin lagi selesa berkawan dengan Lenne, walaupun tak pernah jumpa depan-depan kan. Maybe sebab kita banyak persamaan? :)

  2. I pun mudah jealous dengan my female friends, it's because of low self-esteem? Pendek kata, kita sama.

  3. Don't worry girl, I have an axiety problem which is 100x worse. I wish I can give you wisdom words but I myself need some of that too. Hahaha You're not alone okay? By the way I love reading your blog, I followed :)

  4. @ · 티카 런던 · Omg really? I pray the best for you. Btw, thanks! I love yours too :)

  5. Auchhh

    You must have put some courage when writing this post..

    Jealousy is a normal feeling but just dont let it concour you or bite you.

    Sometimes I feel envious looking at my friends achievements in their life which I think I am wayyyy behind theirs. So I cannot help myself feel angry and wanted to blame my fate and my bad luck. Blaming my fate is like blaming God and thats was the most aweful things to do. I know that!

    My mom once told me that we are all living in our own time zone. Dont compete with others just improve our self.

    I am not good in giving wisdom words but I just hope you can win against your jealousy...I mean both of us